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Maiara Musings

"Problems can not be solved by the level of awareness that created them" Albert Einstein

Monthly Archives: April 2013

Picture taken by Maiara

To all the women (and of course men as well) out there that are suffering silently in abusive relationship

This is my very first blog and I hope that it will be helpful for anyone out there in my situation. If I get even one follower who I will be able to help, my mission has been accomplished  After very careful consideration and lots of therapy I have, indeed, come to the conclusion that it would be unfortunate if I were to keep all my knowledge to myself. My lovely therapist has long time now tried to encourage me to publish my writings because she thinks that the lessons I have learned are important and others could very much benefit from them.

On this blog I will be publishing some of my essays on various topics. I am also hoping to have time to write some practical tips for the journey of life as well as quotations and some fun stuff. Not to mention some great and some not so great moments with my kids as I am trying to parent in a middle of divorce, complete chaos and house renovation since we are moving as soon as the house is sold. Although for some my blog may not appear to be strictly related to abuse and divorce, for me it is. I am not going to dwell in misery, for misery breeds misery and I am done being miserable. I am building my new life with love and laughter. I will share with you the lessons I have learned hard way and wish that you can learn from my mistakes so that you do not have to go thru same agonizing regrets that I have.

The other reason that I have decided to go public is the nature of Narcissistic Abuse. I have been together with a narcissist for over 20 years and married almost 20. I was young and very lovely, smiling, optimistic and kind young woman when we met. I even left him once when we dating because he was not treating me well. But such is the power of manipulation by narcissist that I ended up marrying him and immigrating to Canada. And from there on each year I got more and more depressed and my self-confidence was going downward only. At the same time everyone we met, everywhere we went I always heard the same thing “you are so lucky to have him for a husband”. But at home he always made sure that no matter what I did, how much I tried or how nice I looked I always knew what was wrong with me. I also never knew when he would give me the silent treatment – which, for those who have never experienced it,  is like this storm cloud threatening to fall over one’s head filling the entire house and choking the inhabitants. Then there is the matter of truth, there is no such a thing, everything is a twisted lie but it is so clever that he and everyone else believes it and eventually I started to believe his truths doubting my own memory to the  point that he finally broke my spirit, my happiness, my soul and my health down completely.  All gone to the dark side. And of course nothing or nobody is never good enough for him and he can do no wrong, he never admits to making a mistakes, ever. We, the abused, don’t know that we are being abused, we think that it is us that is no good, that it is us that are doing something wrong, that it is us that are not smart, that it is us that are so lucky to have the narcissist as our partner and that we are just not trying hard enough. So this is the reason I am writing, I want to raise awareness of this kind emotional abuse that is completely invisible to the people around us because they are under the impression that our partner is so perfect, so handsome, so smart so everything that they have to tell us over and over again how lucky we are……..

So, now you have got the idea of this blog and I have to start major house cleaning so we can get the house for market very soon. In any case, I will be posting here once a week, I will try to do it on Sundays, but in a meanwhile I am hoping that you feel safe to leave a comment and that this blog site would become a small but happy and optimistic community to exchange ideas for better future, for there is a future after abuse and it is wonderful.

Your Truly

Maiara

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